I had a conversation recently in which I had used the term “coping” numerous times – A common occurrence in a counseling related discussion. This time, however, I provided an explanation of what “coping” actually means - Finding ways to feel better while learning to overcome problems. I immediately saw relief wash over the individual I was speaking with, as “coping” moved from a vague concept to learn and into a simple understanding of how to feel better.
 
This interaction left me rethinking how I approach these types of commonly-used counseling terms in order for them to actually have a positive impact. With this idea rattling in my mind for a week or two, I then came across this wonderfully written post which re-defines coping and self-care. Please do yourself a favor and give this a read.
 
What I love about this post's re-definition of self-care is how it brings in a special kind of gentle awareness of the self – mind, body and soul. It’s a beautiful reminder to explore and understand ourselves in a way which leads to kindness and compassion. Two things we often give to others, yet rarely give to ourselves. Allow yourself the time and space to understand what helps you feel better. Go ahead. Whatever comes to mind, write it down. Think back to anything which has brought you soothing, relaxation, safety and peace over the years.  
 
You are your own expert. You know what works best for you. Us counselors only have the humble privilege of walking alongside you; guiding, encouraging and providing clarification of what is already true. We don’t have the power to create strength, determination and resilience; we simply help uncover these and more as you learn to trust yourself in the face of adversity.

The other day, I came across a fun twist on a long-time technique used to understand and manage those nagging, gut-wrenching, fear-inducing thoughts. Here is the breakdown:
 
 
1) Write down your anxious thoughts daily

• Writing down our thoughts, also called journaling, allows our mind to change perspectives and process the thought in a new way. When we write things down, sometimes they can feel more real, which can actually be validating. Sometimes our response to the thought changes from fear to humor as we realize the thought isn’t likely to be true.  Sometimes when we write down our thoughts, we have time to reflect on how this thought may not be true and therefore what other alternatives might be more likely to occur.
• ***It is also common to feel guilt or shame after acknowledging our anxious thoughts. These emotions tell us how we are feeling about ourself and our experience and would be best explored with a trusted loved-one or a professional counselor.

 
2) Rate how true the thoughts feel in the moment

• Rating can look like using a scale of 0-10, 0-100 or percentages. The fun twist would be to bring in some fun colors to create a color key like the one pictured here. Colored Post-it notes will work as well. Be as honest as possible with this part. If it feels 100% true like it will happen, say so. Your brain is seeing this thought as a major threat, and that’s okay! With time and exposure to this thought without it coming true or any type of danger occurring, the brain will begin to learn this thought actually doesn’t pose as large of a threat as it once thought. Similarly, when we acknowledge our thoughts mindfully, without giving them weight, the thoughts begin to lose strength and will feel less true over time. 

 

3) Engage in healthy calming/relaxation techniques

• If we write down a thought and if feels 100% true, chances are your body may have a stress reaction. That fight/flight/freeze system will turn on and prepare your body for protection. As usual, this state of protection can feel entirely uncomfortable. When we acknowledge the signs of this protective state being turned on, we can run through our helpful calming strategies, such as deep breathing, guided meditations, physical activity, or any other techniques you have found to be helpful for you to endure this stress response until your brain and body begin to calm.

 
4) Review

• The next day, review the prior days anxious thoughts. Reflect on if they came true and rate how true they feel now. See what you notice here. How many thoughts which felt 100% true, or very likely to happen, actually occurred? Be as honest as possible with yourself.

​Written by Katie McLaughlin, LPC

Written by Katie McLaughlin, LPC

It is incredibly easy to become lost in thoughts and worries of the future. Especially in times of great uncertainty or turmoil. In these times, it is probably the last thing on our mind to remove ourself from these thoughts, from the daily grind of life, and intentionally allow ourselves to be still. Maybe this doesn't even seem like a possibility in your life. 

I understand how counterintuitive it seems. You have a million things to do today and not enough hours to get it all done. I wonder, though, in your quest to accomplish the million to-do list items, how irritated do you feel with yourself and those you are around? Do you find that you are speaking to yourself and others with kindness or with criticism? At the end of a crazy day, are you looking back and wondering why you behaved in ways that didn't feel true to you?

What if I told you that setting aside just 5-10 minutes of your day could greatly improve your mood and decrease your stress for that day and for the long-run? Even if mindfulness and meditation seems a little out there to you, I bet your interest is raising even slightly at these prospects. 

Research studies continue to show the benefits of mindfulness based practices on decreasing anxiety and improving our moods. When we give ourselves even just a few minutes per day to practice this skill, we are giving our brain the best opportunity to think clearly and rationally so we can go about our days feeling our best. Not only that, but this practice also helps our nervous system to improve regulation, meaning that we can calm down faster and with greater ease. 

Whether our life revolves around school, work or with families, I would bet almost anything you'd like to respond with intention, purpose and alignment with your values. 

If you'd like to take the challenge and see what a daily mindfulness practice can do for you, check out this blog post to get some ideas about informal practices, or this podcast for some guided meditations. My hope is for these practices to simplify the concept of mindfulness and allow you to find easy ways of finding peace in your life. Try them out for a few weeks and see what differences you notice. 

Take care, 
Katie

Written by Katie McLaughlin, LPC, CCATP

There have been so many headlines recently, and really over the past year, that elicit concern, fear, anger...you name it. It can be hard to get away from the challenges this world brings as we face life in our respective societies. Sometimes these challenges sink into our being without us even being aware of it happening. You may find yourself feeling increasingly irritable, sad or anxious without really understanding why. And of course these difficult emotions so often lead us to project unfair reactions onto those we care about most.

​It can be a vicious cycle.

Additionally, our incredible and protective brains take in these challenges and tragedies and make us focus on them even more. This negativity-bias was intended to be helpful, but really it leads us to being in our own world of despair. It's like tunnel vision and makes it challenging to see the good that is happening as well. To honor this process while also giving your nervous system a break, I created this 10 minute gratitude practice.

My hope is for this practice to be a reminder of the good in your life, even when it's hard to find. 


Take care, 
Katie